With the recent post about a boy being sexually groomed by a man, people are more aware of this. Sexual grooming is the process in which an offender draws in a victim (usually a child) into a sexual relationship and maintains that relationship without the knowledge of others.
The secrecy of the relationship is essential in grooming. Hence, it is why some parents only discover when it is too late. The victim will usually have an emotional attachment with the groomer. Which will make the separation have heavy repercussions for the victim.
To know more about this, Dr. Redza Zainol discussed six phases of sexual grooming all parents should take note of. It is important because your child might be in danger. Below are the phases:
1. Targeting victims
The offender often looks into these aspects when it comes to their victims- emotional neediness, isolation, education level, and lower self-esteem. Children lacking parental attention and or with developmental disorders such as autism are more vulnerable.
2. Collecting information
Once the victim is targeted, the offender would look into the victim’s life and study it. The victim’s needs and desires and dislikes and how to fulfil and avoid them are all noted for future use. This information is useful to further manipulate the victim deeper in their relationship.
3.Getting the victim’s trust
This phase is why it is difficult to spot the offender at the early stages. They blend so well with caretakers because they give off warm and calibrated attention. Parents mostly notice the overly intrusive that provokes suspicion. A more expert sex offender has a stealthy approach. Their skills in push and poke won’t let their intentions be discovered too easily.
4. Building credibility
The sex offender uses the information he gained in phase two to fill the victim’s needs. This inadvertently assumes their positions more of importance in the victim’s life. Furthermore, the offender will shower them with gifts and affection more than the parents.
This phase is especially vulnerable for a child especially if they are lacking in basic needs in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Need.
5. Isolating the victim
After forming that relationship and trust, the offender uses that to create situations where they can be alone together. Often the excuses use are like sleepovers and taking the victim out for meals or trips. This privacy will reinforce a special connection.
Parents who don’t give that much attention to their child might unwittingly contribute to this relationship as from their view, it takes the burden off of them.
6. Sexual acts
The isolation will lead the offender to become bolder in their interaction. Physical and social boundaries are slowly crossed accompanied by sufficient emotional dependence and trust. The offender creates desensitising situations such as taking pictures, swimming, and others. Often these require a lot of touches and very little clothing.
A child’s budding curiosity of the human body will be exploited to advance the sexual nature of the relationship. A child is a learning stage in life, hence they have the opportunity to shape the child’s sexual preferences.
Once the sex abuse is occurring, offenders would fully manipulate the victim. They use weakness and attachment to repetitively commit the act. If the victim showing signs of withdrawal, the offender would use guilt and victim-blaming for continued participation and silence.
For a child, the offender could use gifts or treats to remind them of their ‘specialness’. The fear of that loss will render them helpless in this relationship.
Based on the phase, look out for anyone who displays these characteristics in your area. Protect your loved ones from being a victim.
Source: Redza Zainol, Oprah Mag